Abridged excerpts from

A Field with a Million Crosses

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... a magical world opened up through

my writing,

 

A world that, miraculously,

time and time again

pulled me out from my despair

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predators sense vulnerability

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like Dracula senses the blood of his victims

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and go for the kill

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...church leaders blamed me

                        for accepting the pastor’s help,

 

it was inappropriate, they said

 

God: blaming the victim

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The Guys (Jay's stuffed animals:)

she’s crying! she’s crying!

Jay is crying!

 

God: and that’s your broken heart right there;

come here, baby

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I couldn’t see how the pastor

was pulling the strings of my heart,

                                exploiting my confusion

 

how twisted,

how insidious his manipulations were

 

~~~

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expecting nothing

from church leaders

stops the bleeding of the heart

 

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the writing,

 

            the purging

 

my conversations with God

had continued

 

and somehow,

 

            miraculously,

 

                        I was healing

~~~

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